As a mom, few things are more frustrating than getting your child out the door for school. The tears, tantrums, and refusal to go to class can leave you feeling defeated before your day even begins. But you’re not alone—and there are strategies to make the mornings a little easier.
In this two-part guide, we’ll explore why kids sometimes resist going to school, what’s really going on developmentally, and practical tips for establishing healthy routines. By the end, you’ll have a toolbox of techniques to encourage cooperation and set your child up for success.
Understanding Your Child’s Development
Before we dive into solutions, it’s helpful to understand what’s normal at each age and stage. Children’s cognitive, physical, and emotional abilities develop rapidly in those early years—and their behavior often reflects where they’re at.
| Age | Cognitive Milestones | Physical Milestones | Emotional Milestones |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2-3 Years | Follows simple instructions, names objects | Kicks/throws ball, climbs well | Imitates adults, expresses many emotions |
| 4-5 Years | Asks “why” questions, grasps basic concepts | Hops, catches bounced balls | Wants to please friends, understands feelings |
| 6-8 Years | Reads/writes simple sentences, tells stories | Ties shoes, uses fork/spoon well | Understands rules, has longer attention span |
Knowing what’s typical for their age can help you manage expectations and respond with patience when challenges arise.
Mastering the Morning Routine
One key to smoother mornings? Establishing a consistent, predictable routine that works for your family’s needs. It may look different for every household, but the goal is to minimize stress and set your child up for success.
| Ideal Morning Routine | Realistic, Flexible Routine |
|---|---|
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The key? Finding a balance between structure and flexibility that keeps everyone’s needs in mind. Be willing to adjust the routine as your child grows and circumstances change.
Positive Parenting Strategies That Work
When faced with resistance, try these positive parenting techniques to encourage cooperation:
- Use positive reinforcement. Praise or reward your child when they follow directions without a fuss.
- Give choices. Let them pick their outfit or which task they’d like to do first.
- Set clear expectations. Explain what you expect and the consequences for not listening.
- Stay calm and patient. Model the behavior you’d like to see from your child.
- Problem-solve together. Ask your child for their perspective and ideas.
- Be consistent. Follow through on what you say you’ll do, every time.
- Celebrate small wins. Notice and praise any effort or small step in the right direction.
Don’t Forget to Take Care of You
Parenting is hard work—there’s no way around it. But taking care of your own needs is crucial, because you can’t pour from an empty cup.
A study by WebMD found that 97% of mothers put their family’s well-being before their own.
So be sure to prioritize basic self-care, like:
- Getting enough sleep (experts recommend 7-9 hours per night for adults)
- Eating nutritious, balanced meals and staying hydrated
- Exercising regularly—even a daily walk can reduce stress
- Practicing relaxation techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga
- Spending time on hobbies and interests outside of parenting
When you’re feeling rested and rejuvenated, you’ll be better equipped to handle the inevitable challenges with patience and grace.
Q: How can I stop my child’s tantrums before leaving for school?
Tantrums are normal and developmentally appropriate for young children who lack the language and emotional regulation skills to express themselves. The key is staying calm and not giving in to the tantrum behavior.
First, try to identify and address the underlying cause—is your child hungry, tired, or feeling rushed? Offer a snack, slow down the routine, or give them a “heads up” before transitioning activities. You can also give them a choice between two acceptable options to regain a sense of control.
If the tantrum escalates, remain patient but firm. Use a quiet, neutral tone to explain the expectations and consequences. Then disengage from the situation until they’ve calmed down. Praise them immediately when they start behaving appropriately.
Q: My child won’t stop playing video games in the morning. How can I limit screen time?
Setting clear boundaries around screen time is crucial, as too much can negatively impact focus, behavior, and sleep quality. Establish rules like no screens before school or after a set evening time.
Consider using a timer or visual cues to signal when screen time is over. You can also designate certain tech-free times and spaces in your home. Most importantly, model healthy device habits yourself and find engaging alternatives like reading, outdoor play, or family activities.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no more than 1 hour per day of high-quality programming for children aged 2-5 years.
Q: I’m struggling to get my child motivated to do their schoolwork. Any tips?
It’s common for kids to lack motivation at times, especially if they’re feeling overwhelmed or disengaged from their schoolwork. Try these strategies:
- Break assignments into smaller, manageable chunks with breaks in between.
- Use a preferred activity as a reward after completing tasks.
- Get them moving with quick exercise breaks to boost energy and focus.
- Find ways to make learning interactive and hands-on.
- Celebrate their efforts, not just the end results.
If the issue persists, check in with their teacher to better understand the root cause and get their perspective.
Q: How can I encourage more positive behavior from my child?
Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool for shaping behavior. Notice and praise the behaviors you want to see more of, like sharing, following directions, or showing kindness.
You can also use a simple reward system, like a sticker chart, to motivate your child to work toward specific goals. The rewards don’t have to be big—even small privileges or experiences can be motivating.
Most importantly, model the positive behaviors you’d like to see and be consistent in your expectations and responses. Children will rise to meet the standards you set.
Conclusion
Motherhood is a journey filled with challenges, triumphs, and everything in between. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, so trust your intuition as you navigate what works best for your unique child and family.
Remember, every child develops at their own pace. With patience, consistency, and plenty of love, you can guide them toward becoming their best selves. Celebrate the small wins, ask for support when you need it, and know that you’ve got this, mom.