This one is for the parent, coaches, and teachers out there. 

This happened to a 6-year-old in my life, but it actually happens everywhere all the time. It broke my heart and then got me really fired up and ready to take on this topic on my blog and podcast. 

This little 6-year-old started Kindergarten this year and was behind academically from the start. She had a hard time processing letters and numbers, even though when you start Kindergarten everyone has to learn them again anyway. This child was insecure about making friends, what she was wearing, homework, numbers, and answering questions in class. 

Four months into the school year, they had a major breakthrough. She shared with her parents that she was afraid to go to school because she didn’t want to get the answer wrong. What is happening in this classroom-- every time a child got the right answer, they got a prize from the prize box. Every single one of this girl’s friends had gotten a prize. This girl had never gotten a prize.

First of all, SCHOOL is for more than correct answers. Let’s just get that out there. I believe this teacher didn’t have any intention of making this child feel bad, but rewarding kids for correct answers when it’s impossible for some -- is a problem. 

JUST rewarding academic success -- is telling kids THIS is what we value. 

I am not advocating for everyone to get a participation trophy by any means. But JUST rewarding academic success -- is telling kids THIS is what we value. If kids have a learning disability or work as hard as they possibly can to get caught up and still can’t -- they feel WORTHLESS, less than, unimportant, dumb, and absolutely unmotivated to get there. 

I am personally really good at school. My motivation and love for learning have made school “easy” for me. While I have REALLY talented siblings, academic success is not their strength. So if my parents only rewarded and celebrated kids for academic success, half of the siblings would feel so left out and unimportant. 

Reward systems like this typically only work for kids who don’t need a reward system! 

Giving a prize to their peer or sibling isn’t going to magically motivate a child to raise their IQ. The prize is adding unnecessary pressure and can even scare them from even trying.

Every child has a strength

Find the strengths in your children and reward THOSE! Every child has a strength! Every. Child. If we can find something that each child is good at in the home, on the team, or in the classroom and nurture/strengthen that skill! Let’s do it. Let’s empower these kids at what they are naturally good at. 

Not all kids are going to go to college, grad school, trade school… some will get a job, some will start a family, some will travel the world. Academic success isn’t the GOAL FOR LIFE. There’s so much more to life and so much more to each person that we can value. 

Reflect:

What am I rewarding my kids for?

Does one kid get more recognition than others consistently?

Challenge to you! 

Write down each of the children in your family or class. And over the next week or so, observe the things they are good at. SHARE with them what they are good at. Talk about their strengths. Celebrate, encourage, and keep their natural strengths coming!