Today on the podcast, I’m airing one of my “Best of 2020 Interviews“ from Talesha Kim’s podcast. I loved doing this interview with her and also love working with Talesha as my emotional coach. 

When Paul and I were at our wit’s end with our son for his behaviors I was done. Done with all things parenting. This isn’t what I wanted for my family.

Everything I knew how to do to help him wasn’t working anymore. He was in a constant anger cycle and it triggered me every single day. Paul and I had to tap out because we knew we would end up yelling and we’d both committed to not yell at him.

We decided to call on a professional and @xolaurenpace was someone I felt comfortable sharing my parenting stress with. I told her how bad it really was and that things had to change. I was worried about my son on a deep level. As any mom would be. Scared for who he could become if he continued in this downward cycle.

That’s when she helped me figure out what he was communicating by his aggression, anger, and opposition.

He was communicating a way to be heard, valued, and respected for his thoughts and feelings.

I realized in all that I know I was unknowingly shutting him down. It was a deep ache but knowing that helped Paul and me to make adjustments.

My son is a different kid now. He has tools that he is using, his opposition is night and day difference and he feels like we get him. (His words.)

We aren’t done yet and I know things will still come up but the value of having help is irreplaceable.

To learn more about helping your kids with emotionally charged behavior go listen to this week’s podcast. It will blow your mind.

Remember all behavior is communication.

Raising strong-willed, independent children doesn’t have to be a battle.

You don’t have to force, demand, or control them to get them to do what you want them to do.

There is a better way and you aren’t alone in the frustrations of knowing how to help them.

There are tools available right now to you in my podcast that can take out the guesswork.

Your kids are a precious gift, here to teach and show you how to be more connected, more whole, and more loving.

And those days of defiance, arguing, and stress are going to happen. You need to know how to not only help them but help you through it.

Check out the podcast this week to learn amazing tools and help you on your parenting journey.

Connect then Redirect

A child is SCREAMING, “I DON’T WANT TO GO HOME.” Instead of, “It’s time to go, get in the car please.” Connect first with their emotions, then you can connect with logic. “I know it’s been so much fun at Haley’s house, you really had a good time playing with dolls today. It’s hard to leave your friends, huh? How does it make you feel? Your face is doing this, you seem sad. ” Emotions start to slow. Then you can say, “We have to go home now, but would you like to make a plan to play with Hailey again?”

Don't start with the solution. That would mean that they were using the logical part of their brain. If they are displaying strong emotions, they aren't there yet, they need you to validate those feelings FIRST. Let them know you hear what they are saying... and then go into the problem-solving.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Ugh! Your building fell down? I get really frustrated when something I build falls down too. How do you feel? Are you sad? Well.... what can I do to help? or... what can we do about this? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Just like if you go in a car accident. You want someone to check on YOU before giving you all the instructions to make it right with insurance or the police. Connect, then redirect.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Try it. How did it feel??