Today I spied on my babysitter
K, I didn't really spy, but I heard everything that happened from my office... and I'm gonna tell you all about it.

When Maelie is over-tired and feeling big feelings, she will hit her brother.
My preferred way to deal with any hard behavior is to understand the why and support that need. Instead of punishment or shame

Every single child is going to have challenging behaviors.

Does that make them bad kids?
Naughty?
NO.
She's the problem.
Wrong.
She needs boundaries, yes. But more importantly, she needs SUPPORT.

And it's not our job to place blame, shame, or punish. It's our job to support our kids through their big emotions and challenges.

Back to the story, today I heard Maelie start to get frustrated with Charlie, and then she hit him.
Calmly, my amazing sitter said,
”It looks like you need some quiet time. We all need quiet time sometimes. Let's go up to your room.”
In the past, other sitters have dealt with this same behavior SO much differently.

ex. "Charlie wasn't nice today, Charlie do you want to tell your mom what you did??"

Turning a reaction to a big emotion into a "problem child." Guilting the child. Making them feel unloved by their sitter. Followed by a sad sad boy and a guilt-ridden mom.

Today, I just smiled and said to myself, I LOVE MY BABYSITTER.

Do you want a babysitter who responds to challenging behavior with love and emotional intelligence??? Check out my babysitter resource (and free training)!

I want to share this method with all of you in five simple steps!

5-Steps to Enforce Boundaries while Accepting Emotions.

1 HOLD SPACE (this happens inside YOU)

Expect that hard behaviors will happen, and in this home, we choose to approach it with emotional intelligence. Set that intention.

2 VALIDATE FEELING

"It looks like you wanted a turn, that's really hard!"

3 STATE BOUNDARY

"We still need to stay safe with our bodies, let's go take some quiet time"

4 FOLLOW-THROUGH

"Let's go to your room"

5 SUPPORT NEW SKILLS

Support your child in re-entering the same situation and trying out a new skill.

"If you want a turn, we can ask and play over here while we wait"

Ways to respond to big emotions

For kids having a hard time regulating their bodies when big feelings arise. They don't need punishment or shame tactics, they need your support.

“When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it's our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.”
― L.R. Knost

NEW SKILL TO TRY CO-REGULATION

Co-regulation is defined as warm and responsive interactions that provide the support, coaching, and modeling children need to “understand, express, and modulate their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors”

Children will mirror our language, behavior, and emotions.