My son has been having really big panic attacks at night when he doesn’t know where we are. He’s also a kid who just learned that one day we will all day — and his anxiety eats that up. I get it, I was that SAME KID! Ah, nights were always the hardest. And for a long time, since I knew I had an anxious boy I let him sleep in our bed with us because that would’ve helped me.

What I’m learning more now is to shift my focus a little to PREPARE him and not just PROTECT him.

STORYTIME

Mom! Moooom!

What do you need  Charlie?

He stopped yelling. 

I walked into his room and he was laying there trying to swallow his big feelings and tuck that fat lip of worry. 

What’s wrong?

I didn’t know where you are. 

-he broke composure -

I’m right in my room bud. Are you feeling worried? 

Yeah

Where do you feel it? Your head, chest or tummy?

In my heart. 

Does it feel like heavy or like knives?

Heavy.

Ah bud that’s doesn’t feel good, I’ve felt that before too it’s called anxiety. 

Do you want me to lay with you?

Yeah

Does it still feel heavy? 

No. 

His calmed as I held him. 

Then I said goodnight again and went to my room. 

Co-Regulation

This is a form of co-regulation. Showing up to your anxious child, holding space for that emotions and regulating with them. Grab my FREE co-regulation guide below.

Content of Worry

When we focus on the CONTENT of worry. This means focusing on what the problem is and solving it or reassuring them! Then little changes can bring that worry right back up.
For example, if I was focusing on content, I might say, “You don’t need to worry Charlie, I’m right in my room” or “Are you scared, tonight you can sleep with me.“

Then if I go in the backyard to water my garden and I’m not in my room, and he can’t find me, that reassurance didn’t work at all. It affects trust in your reassurance and the worry is back.

Process of Worry

Instead, we focus on the PROCESS of worry. It sounds like you're feeling worried, remember when you're worried we can do XYZ to come back to calm.