Strong Emotions and Meltdowns

Are you having a hard minute?

I choose to say this instead of are you having a hard day, week or year. It's a personal preference that I just realized I did one day. It's okay to feel sad, mad, angry, scared... but feeling mad for 10 minutes in the morning doesn't need to ruin the whole day. So instead of saying are you having a hard day, I say are you having a hard minute? 

PS I have hard minutes all the time too, but I don't want my emotions in one part of my day to impact the rest of my day or week. It's empowering instead of throwing myself a pity party.

When you feel triggered

But how hard is it when we feel triggered?! What do you do to stay calm??

Ideas:

- Take a LOOOOONG deep breath.

- Smile, force it til it feels real

- Be warm & comforting

- Connect… even if you don’t understand why they are upset, acknowledge that they are and say it, “you seem sad“

- Be present (phones away, eyes up)

- Hug them

- Walk away

- Expect the meltdowns, prepare for them, and accept the emotions that pour from your children

- Talk with a life coach, emotional healer or therapist to reduce stresses and get through tough emotions/experiences

👏🏼If you need help knowing how to effectively support your child through tantrums, meltdowns & whining, check out my tantrum course. 👏🏼

Teaching Your Child to stay Calm

Now teach that you have figured out how you can stay calm… how can we teach this to our children. We need to take the time to help them learn the skills. If it’s difficult for you, it’ll be even more difficult for them because their brain is not fully developed! So make a little chart, talk about ways to breathe… things they can do when they are upset.

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Lauren PaceComment
Pestering the Dogs, what's the missing skill there?

When Charlie was torturing the dogs for fun -- it was getting a little bit rough. Me constantly getting after him. The dogs constantly running/hiding. And him LOVING every second. 

Why? Why was he doing this behavior? Because he enjoys torturing animals??? NO. Because he likes to hurt dogs? No. It's because he was CURIOUS, and their reaction was new, different and exciting. 

So, no matter how many times I said no. Or put the dogs outside. Or moved him to a different room, the next time he had the opportunity, he took it.

What did he need support with -- to get the same function met without being inappropriate with the dogs?.

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Sibling Rivalry

So, I changed my response. Instead of being the referee. I was the coach. I went in thinking — they both think they are right, how can we problem solve. Instead of deciding who was right or wrong. 

I know they are young but they get along soooo well. He looks out for her & helps her. Sibling rivalry is real & being the coach instead of the referee is just one thing I talk about in my course on it. 

Wouldn’t you love to be a problem solving family instead of a rattle telling family?

Check out this online course on my website. Xolaurenpace.com/classes.

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Function: Hungry, Solution: PREVENT

Some kids wake up HAPPY (Maelie) and some kids struggle to wake up (Charlie). I KNOW this about Charlie... mornings are hard. If we have to go somewhere he can't be rushed. He really needs time to eat, get dressed and go through those transitions. Okay, so I learned this about my son. 

Do I "keep on keeping on" and "survive" this stage, it will pass? Or do I adjust things in his environment to make it more successful for him?! ding ding ding. We have a winner. 

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Family Dates Look Different: Xbox or Kayaking

Time with dad. When I was growing up, time with dad looked different. He had a home office & so we saw him all throughout the day. When we had kids I extended bed time so they would see their dad who worked long hours. And realized that time with dad was going to be different. It honestly was hard for me. I almost cried when a sleep trainer told me that I needed to put my kid to bed at 7 😭😭 I’m like they won’t know their dad.

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