It's OK to Cry
There are so many reasons I can give you to support the phrase “it’s ok to cry.” First, I just want to talk about what crying does for you. Then, I want to address why our kids are “perfect“ for others, but cry and cry for us. What does that mean?
Did you know that it is actually a self-soothing tool to cry?
Eases physical paint
Tears are an emotional release — they released oxytocin and endorphins. These are chemicals make us FEEL GOOD! And can ease physical and emotional pain. Crying can help reduce pain and improve a sense of well-being.
The other day I was doing laser hair removal. Yeah, sometimes beauty is pain. Anyway, it HURT REALLY BAD. and I know that crying can release this hormone and ease physical pain. I was like WILLING myself to cry to get through it. HAHA! It didn’t work, I can’t force tears on cue, but man I wish it had.
Enhances mood
Just like relieving the pain, oxytocin and endorphins can help improve mood.
Relieves stress
Aids sleep
But, why does my kid do perfect for everyone else and cry for me?
You ARE his safe place, which is why he feels safe letting out all his anger and built-up emotions. it feels unfair, like you should get their best... but really they feel so safe at home that they let it all out in sometimes challenging ways.
What do you do to support him without erupting at the big emotions?
Set boundaries with the behavior, while still supporting the emotion. Create a safe place he can go when he needs to feel all the feelings. He can feel any emotion. if he starts being angry or rude or aggressive or lying ANYTHING he can feel all of those feelings-- he just has to do it in his safe place so that other people aren't affected by his choices. And don’t shame. Let him feel.
It’s ok to be upset, to cry & to feel. But ask yourself as your family, what boundaries are needed to give your child a safe place to feel all their emotions? 👏🏼🖤
Support Emotion
have always been ashamed or embarrassed to cry when I’m sad or even truly feel sad. Even with my husband, I’ll be like “I don’t know why I’m so emotional about this.” And I really don’t cry a whole lot. It’s not even like I have to hold it back most of the time, it just doesn’t come.
This year my goal is to really FEEL my emotions. When I feel sad, just like I tell my kids, it’s ok to be sad and cry... I want to feel safe in crying too.
The other week something happened to Charlie that broke my heart. He was so upset, so hurt and all he wanted at that moment was his mom to hold him. Of course, I validated every feeling coming from his sweet body... what I didn’t expect was to feel all that sadness in myself too. I let the tears flow. Again & Again. I called Pj. And let them come again. As much as I wanted to be like, “I don’t know why I’m crying about this” ... I accepted that I was sad! Pj said, “are you ok babe?” And I said, “I’m just really sad” and he responded exactly how I needed him to — with validation and acceptance of my strong emotions.
You’d think it’d be a bigger deal for me if I didn’t cry and was tough. It was actually a bigger deal for me to be open to this uncomfortable feeling and be vulnerable with it!
I snapped a pic to remember a big moment for me. Accepting my sadness and not excusing it or dismissing it as hormones. I was sad. And it was OK! Do you have any emotions that are hard for you to face with yourself or your kids?? (Sadness, anxiety, anger, etc)
It’s ok for YOU to cry too Moms and Dads
Cry if you had a hard day
It doesn’t make you ungrateful or unfaithful, it means you feel pain
You are strong, even if you need to fall apart sometimes.