Chronic Fight/Flight Mode and How to Get Out of It
I’m gonna tell a story today about a story that would’ve sent me into fight/flight a year or even six months before, but DIDN’T because of the work I’ve been doing to STOP the cycle and be a conscious parent.
Shredded Tire
This weekend as my family and I were spending time together helping my husband do some dog training… we were driving through the windy canyon, with no service and someone drove up to our side and honked their horn, then signaled with a bit of panic that something was going on with our vehicle.
So we pulled over.
We got out of the truck.
And we immediately saw a shredded tire on the dog trailer.
No service.
No jack.
And no wrench to get the spare.
So, my husband took off the trailer and went back into town to get the supplies while I sat on the side of the canyon with cars zooming by, calmly reading a book.
About 40 minutes later, he was back. I lay on the wet road and helped him put the tire on.
What could've been an event that ruined our day, did nothing but bring us closer together. Grateful we helped each other. Grateful nothing was worse.
And it's absolutely not because we had control of the circumstance.
Nope. We didn't choose any of that.
It's that we had control of our response to our circumstances.
There's a lot of talk out there right now – that if we just change our mindset, we can respond differently do our circumstances.
And while I absolutely believe in the power of our mindset.
There's more to it than that.
Our body responds to stress!
There's a part of our brain that senses danger. That signals to the amygdala - then that part of the brain signals to FIGHT/FLIGHT response.
Fight/flight is useful when we are in true danger.
But more and more, fight/flight/freeze mode is activated when we are in reality safe.
Anxiety.
Worries.
Fears.
Collectively, so many of us are in chronic fight or flight mode.
We have floods, fires, earthquakes, mass shootings, political unrest, war… that trigger big feelings inside.
Some days we feel that we aren't safe. Can we send our children into this world? There's so much pressure on moms.
To feed, nourish, teach, and discipline (but not too much).
And then what if our kids have higher needs? What if our kids are struggling?
More stress = fight/flight/freeze… and so we are continually and chronically triggered.
This weekend, I saw the shredded tire. *Perceived threat*
And instead of going into fight/flight/freeze.
I acknowledged internally to myself “this is a potential threat AND its okay body, I'm safe. no danger here”
My body didn't go into fight/flight/freeze.
And I grabbed my book, grabbed a camp chair and calmly waited 40 minutes without service for my husband to come back.
We had a slower start to the day than anticipated, but we were grateful and safe.
This experience actually brought me JOY!
How does a flat tire do that?
I don't know that 2019 Lauren or 2020 Lauren would've been able even to identify or acknowledge my nervous system kicking on to deal with an anxious situation.
I've done so much work this past year to understand and heal my nervous system, so uncover triggers and awaken my inner child.
Helping PJ in the canyon, relying on each other, and staying regulated – it brought me CLOSER and more connected to my family, myself, and the present moment.
Come learn to do the same at the
Awakened Mother Inner Child Retreat.
October 21-23 in Garden City, Utah (Bear Lake).
MY STORY OF CHRONIC FIGHT/FLIGHT
I personally had some pretty rough years in a row.
As many of you have.
2019
My parents divorced. My family unit was my foundation, example of strong marriage, and it crumbled.
A week later, my doctor found a bleeding mass
in my brain the was causing swelling and debilitating migraines.
A month later, I had a craniotomy.
I had a 17 month old and 2.5 year old.
I literally pumped my breastmilk in the neuro ICU
My brain healed, but my heart was broken.
Raw.
2020
I miscarried a baby
And shortly after COVID began, the earthquakes, fires, vaccines, politics, protests, shootings, PAIN.
2021
I lost two people very very close to me.
I also welcomed a new baby into the family.
And my dad got remarried.
Navigating death, marriage, birth…
Without giving you too much details, it's been a rough couple of years figuring out my new family dynamic, forgiveness, love, safety, trust… Wounds I didn't even know were there were opened.
Emotions had to be FACED.
Emotions from current situations and emotions I buried long ago.
Generational patterns that I was picking up and didn't even realize.
Through all of this, I was running my parent coaching business, talking about behavior. Behavior is communication.
How can we support our kids? How can we help them learn new skills?
I realized.
My behavior was communication.
Not being able to be present.
Being numb to joy that I wanted to experience.
I realized I didn't laugh as easy as my friends.
I never even felt depressed, but I felt like a shell of myself.
I lost my spark.
It was harder and harder for me to just BE ME!
And I bet the people around my didn't even notice…
But I did.
The last half of 2021 is when I really went to work on those patterns, on changing my story, unlearning!
Challenges keep coming up.
Life keeps going even when we are healing…
Change is slow, it's daily work… but I look back and see how far I've come. And it is liberating.
The healing work I've been doing… to uncover the ME that I know and love.
To nurture little Lauren who was lost inside and wants to be free.
To acknowledge when I'm triggered and be able to work through it and not let it spiral me into an anxious mess…
I am becoming the liberated mother I want to be.
I am healing from the inside out.
I am laughing easier. DAILY.
I am crying easier.
I'm leaving my comfort zone.
Sharing my soul with others.
Have you ever felt this way?
It is time to…
Let go of old beliefs that no longer serve you
Play and nurture your inner child
Open your mind to reparent yourself
Feel safe and awaken your intuition
Expand your friendship and community
Join Jess and me at the Awakened Mother Inner Child Retreat!