Are you regular?

When it comes to eating and sleeping, I'd say I'm right in the middle of the line from regular to not regular. Charlie too. And I'm thinking Maelie fits right in there as well too. How about you?

Research tells us we all have different temperaments when it comes to "regularity." Some kids can be hungry on a set clock. Be ready for bed on a set clock. Poop every day at the same time. Other kids are less regular, and some are not regular at all. If you are more regular, and you have a kid on the other end of the spectrum of regularity, that is a mismatch. Seeing eating schedule from a temperament point of view might make more sense for how to adapt your expectations (based on your personal temperament) to fit your child's needs (based on their temperament). It's not our job to change temperament, but to give them support and/or adapt the environment when we can to help them thrive.

Child DevelopmentLauren PaceJuly 22, 2019temperament, spirited childComment

Instead of Good Job, try...

"The more we say, "I like the way you…." or "Good ______ing," the more kids come to rely on our evaluations, our decisions about what's good and bad, rather than learning to form their own judgments. It leads them to measure their worth in terms of what will lead us to smile and dole out some more approval." - Alfie Kohn

Child DevelopmentLauren PaceJuly 22, 2019Social & Emotional DevelopmentComment

Attention-seeking or CONNECTION-seeking

“Carry me mommmm” who gets this? 👋🏼

When kids want you to carry them and they are definitely old enough to walk. A few things could be going on. They might actually be tired. Or they might be seeking connection. Connection that their baby sister is getting all the time by being carried. So I’m not saying fine give in, haul around the 2 year old. But find ways to connect with them while you’re walking to a place. “How far can you jump” let’s jump these cracks together.

I remember my mom telling me one time in Disneyland when she was holding my hand that when she squeezed it it means “I love you.” I literally thought that was universal forever. Looking back on this memory that she probably doesn’t even remember saying... was so engraved in my childhood as a simple, but meaningful connection with my mom.

Child DevelopmentLauren PaceJuly 17, 2019Comment

Extinction Bursts

Unfortunately, when the behavior gets worse in response to something new we are trying. It is called an extinction burst. And you have to keep being consistent. Or you’ll just have a million of them.

Example: child used to screaming to get show on in car. You tell him he can ask nicely, but if he screams you aren’t turning it on. *screaming* you don’t do it. *screaming intensifies* FINE! Watch your show. Here he was testing that limit and succeeded. Stay strong. A few hard days and then it’ll be better.

Child DevelopmentLauren PaceJuly 15, 2019Challenging BehaviorComment

Strategy: Two Positive Choices

Child DevelopmentLauren PaceJuly 12, 2019Challenging Behavior, listeningComment

What if they won't listen when I give them choices?

Child DevelopmentLauren PaceJuly 10, 2019Challenging Behavior, listeningComment