Create an Intentional Family Culture

Today we are going to talk about Family Culture.

Listen to the Full Podcast Here

First of all, what is it?

Family Culture is made up of the unwritten rules. The things that the [insert last name] do. It’s what relationships look like And what this family does when no one else is watching.

We spend so much time planning for the wedding, college, vacation, first day of school… that sometimes we overlook the day-to-day. The tiny moments, interactions, patterns, and habits that are actually shaping our children's world view. The day-to-day is where you will find the family culture.

Our traditions, the days we value, the activities we participate in, who cleans, who cooks, how we talk about our neighbors, how we look at strangers. The affection we show and the way we resolve conflicts. All of these little things are part of the way our children see the world.

Strong families don’t happen by accident. It’s intentional.

Family culture isn’t how big our house is or how many toys we buy. It isn’t how many activities we sign them up for or what our favorite meals are. Family culture is the values, priorities, habits, and experiences we choose for our family. 

It’s the atmosphere of our homes. 

It’s what makes our families unique.

Sometimes in life, especially life with littles, we are just trying to survive the day. We let what happens just happen… and getting through times like quarantine, winter break, the last month of pregnancy feels like a win in itself.

Parenthood is far from perfect. We have all been there. The idea of creating a family culture isn't a routine or a checklist we do every day. It's creating a vision for our family and walking in that direction.

If we don't know where we are going, how will we actually get here??

Creating an intentional family culture can change how we parent, invest our time and spend our money. It can center us on our goals and vision for our family.

This is the FOUNDATION of how we make decisions for our family.

Let me break this down a little bit.

Let's say in your family, you do all the chores and cleaning as parents. You make all the meals. You do all the laundry. You feed the animals, Pick up your kids’ messes. Brush their teeth etc.

It's what you do, and you just do it.

The end goal here for you at this moment is having a clean and tidy house.

What if the new end goal or VALUE you teach is actually RESPONSIBILITY?

If my goal for my kids is to teach the value of Responsibility, then maybe I give them chores starting young. I have them make their own lunch.

I let them help with animal chores, picking up and brushing their own teeth.

Sure there will be dog food spilled, messes for longer… but the END GOAL is responsibility.

And as others learn this skill the house messes will all be shared.

Decide Your Own Family Culture

I don't want to tell you what your family culture should be like. Instead, I want to tell you how to get started using some probing questions and some potential family values.

The process of brainstorming, discussing, praying is all part of establishing a family culture. So I can't just give you one to take home immediately.

First, let's talk about questions.

1. What do we want for our child long term? aka When our kids leave the home, who do we want them to be?

We are raising emotionally healthy children who will eventually be their own people with their own careers and families. They will be citizens, voting, and making CHANGES for all of society. What skills and traits do we want to help them develop?

• Is it important to you that they know how to drive? Get gas? Change their own oil? Fill up their tire pressure?

• Is it important that they know good study habits? Read? Keep learning?

• Is it important that they stand up for truth? Speak up? Be inclusive, kind, and encouraging?

• Is it important that they know how to work? How do we want them to live?

What else? These are just some things that initially come to mind.

Whether it be a character trait or chore to learn, this question can guide what we want for creating an intentional family culture.

2. How can we help them develop this?

We want them to stand up for truth. How can we help them develop this?

We want them to know how to work hard. How can we help them develop this?

We want them to know how to do the laundry. How can we help them develop this?

How do you get started?

Pick 5 Values that you want for your child long-term.

Go through each value and ask the question, how can we help them develop this?

• Responsibility - How can we help them develop this?

• Faith - How can we help them develop this?

• Friendships - How can we help them develop this?

• Happiness - How can we help them develop this?

• Resourcefulness - How can we help them develop this?

• Generosity - How can we help them develop this? 

• Empathy - How can we help them develop this?

• Ambition - How can we help them develop this?

• Equality - How can we help them develop this?

Now that you have picked your VALUES & know some ways you are going to develop them. Look through your list of family priorities and make sure those values are prioritized in your routine and traditions.

Family Priorities

1. What is the division of labor in your home?

2. What does dinnertime look/feel like?

3. How you spend time together?

4. What do you do well together?

5. Who does the work around the house?

6. How do you accomplish tasks together?

7. What is the most important thing in your week?

8. What is unmissable?

9. When the kids are grown, what do you want them to remember about growing up?

10. What are the important customs and traditions in your home?

Decide the priorities and make sure that you adjust your daily habits to protect them.

xo,

Lauren Pace