Pt. 1 Level up Common Parenting Practices using Emotional Intelligence (with Wendy Bertagnole)
What is Emotional Intelligence?
IQ is the Intelligent quotient and EQ is the Emotional quotient
EQ is the ability to identify and manage your emotions and the emotions of others
Encouraging emotional intelligence includes encouraging yourself and others to think about how others feel and finding more ways to be empathetic
At one point IQ was viewed as the primary determinant of success. People with high IQs were assumed to be destined for a life of accomplishment and achievement. (Hence a lot of societal focus on grades, academics, math, science, engineering -- all great things.)
Overtime, critics realized high intelligence was not a guarantee for success in life
Think about it: When in a hiring position for a company -- are you looking for the smartest? Or someone who can do the job requirements AND work well with others?
Teachers -- highest scores or someone who can connect socially/emotionally with your child?
Higher EQ actually has shown an improvement in grade point averages… lower suspension, increased school attendance, fewer disciplinary problems, stronger mental health, better relationships, and a more rewarding work-life.
A child who can calm themself when they feel angry is likely to do well in difficult circumstances. And a child who can express their emotions in a healthy way is likely to maintain healthier relationships than a child who screams or says mean things when they're angry.
The good news is, all kids have the ability to learn emotional intelligence skills. They just need adults to teach them how.
Think about this question: Do you think IQ or EQ is more important? Why?
Follow up: Does how you talk about emotions, academics, grades, relationships REFLECT your answer?
REFLECTION
As we talk through some of the next questions, I want to encourage you to answer them for themselves. These are going to be the things that come up naturally in your personal life and parenting, so tune into that as we reflect.
How were emotions for you growing up?
What did your parents say or do when you were sad or hurt?
What did your parents do when they were upset? (body language, facial expressions)
Jot down your answers. THESE are gonna be hurdles you have to UNLEARN as you start parenting with more emotional intelligence.
LEVEL UP COMMON PARENTING PRACTICES WITH EQ
Here are some common parenting practices and how we can address them with more emotional intelligence
1. IGNORE JUNK
A common positive parenting strategy is to ignore the junk/focus on positive…
When we do this, what are we telling our child?
Focuses on our child’s performance and are linking rewards to actions
Behavior WILL change, however, the emotions are still there and will resurface as NEW behaviors
How can we approach "junk" behavior with emotional intelligence?
First of all, “junk“ is an opinion
Recognize our OWN emotions around the behavior. Why is it triggering us? How can we address our own triggers?
Have open conversations with yourself. Work through it. And then help teach your child a different way to get their needs met without that “junk“ behavior
Respond to emotions intentionally instead of reacting
