When your volcano is filled from the get go — use your village!!! (ep 2.3)

Today I want to talk to you about something that might feel a little uncomfortable for you. I want you to stay open-minded and really tune into how your body reacts as I talk about different things in this podcast episode.

If you feel drawn to one of the things I talk about, then dig deeper, and pursue that option.

With anything in life -- it is not one size fits all. Behavior, health and development is individual! What works for one person, may not work for another even within your own family.

Ok, let's get started.

Today we are going to talk about seeking professional support when our volcano is consistently overflowing. Again, tune into what this might mean for you and your family. It may look different than my family and I probably won't even talk about all the things you may need, my hope is this will guide you to your own healing.

VOLCANOS.

As we talked about behavior our behavior is a symptom of what we are feeling inside.

If someone hits us, we may react… but if someone hits us when we are grieving, we didn't sleep well, we have a cold etc etc. our reaction will look DIFFERENT.

So when we look at our child's behavior, we don't just look at what they are doing -- we are trying to stay curious as to the WHY.

When we look at our own behavior, we don't just look at what we are doing and try to correct it, we stay curious as to the why.

I'll go first, the last couple of years have been extremely difficult for my family. At the same time, I have never felt more fulfilled and in love with my life. Grief and gratitude can live in the same space.

However, on days when I'm so overwhelmed, overstimulated, and stretched too thin, my lava feels like it starts halfway up my body which means it doesn't take much to set me off my the end of the day. To someone not speaking volcano language, this would look like someone who is REACTIVE to their environment.

As a mom, logically I don't ever want to be reactive.

I know better.

But if I don't have the tools to manage my lava (my grief, emotions and overwhelm) then I will erupt day after day after day.

I'm just gonna list a few things that have happened in my life since November 2019. MY parents separated. The drs found a mass in my brain (that they thought was progressive cancer). The mass turned out to benign, but I underwent a craniotomy with a 3yr old and 1 year old. I couldn't lift my baby. I breastfed throughout to stick it to the man. I hired a nanny to come every day while my husband was at work. I miraculously got pregnant. Around 8 weeks I had a miscarriage. My daughter got diagnosed with a speech delay that we worked through in speech therapy. My parents divorced. I got pregnant and so so sick with my rainbow baby. IV therapy sick. I had my baby. Then my Uncle who I was raised with who has Downs Bryden got sick and was put on hospice. I flew out to say goodbye and a few weeks later he passed. My grandma who lived with me in 2018 when my grandpa died for 3 months, was his mom… and she completed her life just a few months later in September 2021.

There's so much to each of those stories that are filled with sacredness, heart-wrenching pain, aching sobs in prayer, but in conclusion, it can all be summed up in one word, GRIEF.

Grief is heavy. Grief is making my lava sit higher than I want my lava to be when I wake up in the morning.

I can do things to help my lava come down, exercise, sleep, journal, eat right, meditate, pray etc. But ultimately, there are some things you need to seek support for OUTSIDE of yourself, professional support.

Right now here's what I'm doing,

Therapy & Medication

Therapy with a certified grief counselor, who also uses ACT and EMDR, he's giving me TOOLS to get through this.

I also take anxiety medication. I have been on some dose of anxiety meds since I was trying to conceive Charlie and was on 150mgs of CLOMID (the devils drug). Since getting on, I have lowered my dose, but the serotonin levels in my body are LOW and that runs in my family. So I know for me, being on this drug is helping me keep my lava at a base starting level!

Emotional Work

Lastly, I am doing so much emotional work. I am clearing Chakras with Simply Sadie Jane (one of my spiritual influencers). I am learning all sorts of energy work, modalities, reiki, reflexology etc.

While I know I could take a few breaths to calm my body down after a long day, I ultimately know if I am not actively working on the HEAVY and the HARD with professionals, my lava will catch up to me and explode.

Our Kids Need Outside Support Too

My niece has an allergy shot. She has really severe allergies. It makes her skin and eyes itch. She's agitated. She doesn't sleep at all and once a month she gets a shot. When she's late for her shot, you can NOTICE. Not because you see her itching, but because her lava is erupting. Her behavior becomes very challenge. When she gets the shot again, she starts to regulate her body!!!

My daughter has similar things going on. Around Halloween she got super agitated. Had some rashes on her body, but mostly was super explosive and hyper-sensitive to the smallest things. Her behavior was SCREAMING AT ME -- something isn't right. And being the mom that I am I'm looking for every pattern trying to figure out what is triggering this really hard behavior. I was doing all the things in my toolbox --- all the proactive support, enough sleep, the right snacks and food, preparing before leaving, the safe place -- all the things I have and will talk about.

But I knew in my gut something was OFF!

Meridian Stress Assessment

So I took her to the doctor. Got some advice to digestive support. And then I followed my gut further for a Meridian Stress Assessment.

This is where it gets a bit woo woo for some of you.

MSA testing allows early detection of tendencies toward disease, toxicity and imbalances due to various types of stress before they become outwardly manifested. The process involves measuring electrical conductivity by touching on acupuncture points (meridian points) on the fingers and toes using a handheld stylus.

I had a hunch it was red-dye because after having skittles one day her behavior went from 0-160 leaving the gym… but the test revealed that she was reacting to the chemicals in hand sanitizer and cleaning!

These chemicals are ALL OVER THE GYM! Anyway, when you feel in your gut that there's something more -- PURSUE IT!

Maybe it’s medical, maybe it’s nutrition, maybe it's an allergy or sensitivity to something in the environment.

One time I had a friend use ME as a professional. She couldn't figure out why her daughter hated preschool. We talked about a lot of things, stayed curious about the hard behavior, and ultimately found out that she was being abused by her teacher. That mom pulled her out and started her somewhere new, and I virtually held her hand as we navigated going to a new school with a new teacher after such a traumatic experience.

FOLLOW YOUR GUT.

You know. 

My doctor is amazing because each time I go in, I'm like well they aren't acting sick anymore… but at night blah blah blah. And he calmly puts his hand on my shoulder. Tells me I'm being an amazing mother and there's something to be said about a mother’s gut.

 If something doesn't seem right, follow your gut. Use your village and the professional resources around you to find the why.