Today let’s talk about overstimulation for moms and for kids.

I know I have some dads who listen to my podcast/read my blogs, this one is mostly for the primary caregiver. So that may be mom or that may be dad. In my family it is mom, so if I slip up and only talk to moms -- hear it in the way you need to hear it for your family situation.

when my volcano erupted

A lot of moms think they are bad moms when their volcano erupts. The other week, I'm not kidding you people… it was just after that witching hour, getting dinner ready, had to be back out the door, had tantrum after tantrum after tantrum and… shut up escaped my mouth when I was dealing with whining.

I can't tell you the guilt and discomfort I felt inside. It was brutal. I felt it in all its glory because I believed I needed to really feel those awful feelings so I'd never slip up again.

But NO. NO NO NO. We are going to slip up. Maybe it’s not shut up. Maybe it’s a bad word, a mean thing, throwing something, hitting a wall, yelling… there are so many different ways each of our lava will explode.

It's not our job to guilt ourselves into never exploding or worse, bury ourselves more in guilt each time we do.

It's our job to recognize all that is contributing to that lava rising and address it.

So let's start with overwhelm.

sensory overload

The happy giggles, or silly noises, squealing, running, tv… SENSORY OVERLOAD. For me, my sensory threshold for noise is soooooo small. I am sensory avoiding. So if the radio is on and the kids are audibly happy that should be this perfect family video moment -- for me it’s a NIGHTMARE while I'm making dinner.

I long for 20 minutes alone in my room.

I say, I need 10 minutes in my room with JUST THE BABY.

Or I'm going to shower tonight BY MYSELF with the door locked.

I love my kids.

I freakin LOVE MY KIDS

But when I am sensory overloaded, I do what my kids do in a tantrum … with a little bit more self control but not much.

I go into my emotional brain.

My lava spews over.

I say or do things I'm not proud of.

Overstimulation is real, the realest of the reals.

But hey I’m not just here to complain. There's a couple of things we can do about this.

STEP ONE: Know your own sensory preferences

KNOW OUR OWN SENSORY PREFERENCES. Learning about sensory needs/preferences is not just for sensory processing disorder. We ALL have sensory needs and sensory affects all behavior. Now I'm not recommending we all get an OT and go on a sensory diet, but knowing your preferences and tolerances is SOOO key in controlling your own outburst.

In my membership I go into this, we really delve into each of the 7 sensory categories and look at what it is like to be seeking or avoiding. What you can do for seeking/avoiding.

proprioceptive input

For the sake of time I'll share on that's very common… Proprioceptive input.

Proprioception is the body’s ability to receive input through receptors in the skin, muscles and joints, and transfer the information to the brain through the nervous system so that the body can sense itself.

proprioception is the sense that tells the body where it is in space. Proprioception is very important to the brain as it plays a big role in self-regulation, coordination, posture, body awareness, the ability to attend and focus, and speech.

Sensory-seeking

When our body has a high tolerance or need for proprioceptive input, then our behavior may look dysregulated if we are not meeting that need.

This may look like playing rough, moving body, chew, bite, push/hit others etc.

Lifting, pushing, and pulling are good proprioceptive input activities.

Charlie has a HIGH tolerance for proprioception, and a few other senses. If you want to learn more about that, take a look at my membership in the show notes. Knowing your own sensory needs and your kids is a game-changer in understanding each of our overwhelm, and dysregulation.

STEP 2: PAUSE

The second thing you want to do when you are feeling overstimulated at the moment is to PAUSE.

PAUSE

Notice how your body feels

Where's your lava at

What's going on for you?

Can you locate where in your body you feel tension/stress?

COME BACK TO CALM

Can you walk away?

Can your write it all out and tear it up before facing what you have to face?

Is it coming back daily, do you need outside support?

RESPOND

When your body is calm and grounded you can respond with intention!

We all erupt sometimes

Overstimulation… lava eruptions… crying… it's all going to happen. NO MOTHER IS PERFECT. None. You are doing your best. And if you make a mistake, that is ok.

Pause.

Come back to calm.

Respond.

After I said shut up the other day, I immediately regretted my reaction. IMMEDIATE. I was embarrassed. Almost so embarrassed that I didn't want to share. But I promise to be real and authentic here.

I sat my child down and said, when mama was getting dinner ready and I said shut up at the noise, that was not ok. My lava was getting really high, and I didn't listen to my body. Instead, my volcano erupted and I made a choice that could hurt others. I am so sorry. Will you forgive me?

My child was unbothered, as if it didn't even happen. And I sat with that guilt all night long.

Motherhood is a trip! You will mess up.

Pause. Come back to calm down and respond in a way you are proud of.

xo

Lauren Pace

Why do moms get overstimulated & how do we deal with this?