Unfortunately, the way we respond to sibling conflict…
…can create resentment with us or with their brother or sister
…can enable them to become tattle-tellers instead of problem solvers
…can create hype around possessions
…can affect our relationships with your kids
…can communicate "you're wrong" or "I don't trust you"
So I started from square one.
I listed all potential functions.
I listed tons of prevention strategies.
I thought carefully about the missing skills & how to teach them.
And then, lastly, I organized responses (including the amazing safe place)
And then, upon success in reframing the way I deal with sibling conflict... I created a course. It's something I strive to use EVERY day in parenting my children, but also in conflict with cousins or friends. Using the framework for behavior I love, and know, and research and rave about.
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Usually, we have a challenging behavior happen... and that's the moment we use to have a stern talk, a lecture, an explanation or a push toward empathy. Nothing wrong with that, it's actually amazing we care enough to try and teach our children right from wrong.
BUT, if we rearrange the timing of our teaching, we may be able to get through these challenging behaviors with much more ease, less monologues... and with clear boundaries.
There are two reasons why this is NOT the most effective time to teach.
1. It can be reinforcing to give this much attention to challenging behavior
2. they are not in the emotional state to be receptive to any teaching
But mostly watch my video to understand, HOW (and when) to teach effectively, but still enforce your limits.
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As we are studying the New Testament as a family this year... we were struggling to "get to it" each week. I realized we were complicating it. Having to gather materials, bring them all downstairs... sit in a circle and make it work with dad's work schedule.
A simple "remodel" to the kitchen has made come follow me accessible, simple and integrated into our everyday life.
Our prophet promises, "The new home-centered, Church-supported integrated curriculum has the potential to unleash the power of families, as each family follows through conscientiously and carefully to transform their home into a sanctuary of faith. I promise that as you diligently work to remodel your home into a center of gospel learning, over time your Sabbath days will truly be a delight. Your children will be excited to learn and to live the Savior’s teachings, and the influence of the adversary in your life and in your home will decrease. Changes in your family will be dramatic and sustaining."
I can't think of anything better than light and peace and love through Christ while raising our innocent children in such an evil world.
As I reread the quote, I knew it was time to literally “remodel“ my home. And create a hub for our Come Follow Me studies.
DETAILS
Basket on the table holds
Scriptures
Come Follow Me Manual
Lesson materials that I print off from https://www.loveprayteach.com/
Crayons & any other materials for the week
Bulletin Board
Weekly Readings for the Month
Temple Heading (to write next temple visit)
Service Heading (to write service focus)
Lesson Plan from https://www.loveprayteach.com/
Pictures of Lesson topic and Jesus printed or taken from Ensign
Clothespin String
Activities from past weeks hung up as reminders
Come Follow Me Reflection Board from www.ellieavenue.com
It was a simple, but very impactful transformation in my kitchen.
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I presented this graphic at the beginning of the parenting challenge on my instagram
Do you notice anything change with your relationship, or with your child's behavior when you are more purposeful in your toys, play and time together?
Behavior is a fascinating topic to study.
We usually look at behavior to notice WHAT is happening.
Are they hitting? Talking back? Fighting with siblings? Tattle-telling? Whining? Refusing to play independently?
When really the WHAT is just the tip of the iceberg.
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